No Regrets in '09

I'm blessed to not carry around too much regret in my life. Don't get me wrong, there's PLENTY of mistakes I've made and things that I have messed up so horribly, that it'd be easy to do. But for whatever reason (faith, awesome parents, just the way I'm wired, etc.) for the most part, I'm able to move on from mistakes and see them as learning opportunities.

But over Christmas I did something that I truly regret.

Actually, it was something I didn't do.

I pulled off the interstate on my way to go workout. It's a route I drive all the time. At this particular intersection, there's often a homeless person standing there holding a sign for some help. Many times I, like many people, will throw a couple bucks or some spare change into that person's hand. My wife will often run to a drive thru and bring the person a meal. She's good like that.

As I pull up to the light, a few cars are ahead of me, and I see a guy standing outside. I'm too far back to make out what his sign says. It's bitter cold outside and I suddenly start having this thought: "Give him your gloves."

My selfish nature instantly kicks in. "C'mon...they're nice black leather gloves. Just give him some spare change and be done with it" I tell myself.

I begin to fiddle with the inane Sports Talk radio that I'm listening to. Trying to buy time. But the thought still pops up in my head: "Give him your gloves."

The light turns to green, and the cars ahead of me begin to move. Meanwhile, my excuses continue to flow. "Nobody else is stopping....He'll be fine....I'll say a prayer for him..." etc. etc. etc.

Then, as I pull up closer, I see him take his hands out of his pockets and rub them together to warm them up.

That's the image that I can't get past. Because rather than doing something, I did nothing. I truly felt convicted by Jesus, that when it came to loving my neighbors, I was falling woefully short. For me to pull over, give that man a pair of gloves that I can afford to easily replace would not have required much effort on my part. What I mustered up was no effort. To quote the great Charles Barkley, that's just turrible.

A few hours passed, and I had blocked what happened out of my mind. Thankfully, Jesus wasn't done making his point to me.

I got into a conversation with my boss, and she was telling me about this exchange she had with a homeless man, just the night before. Basically, she took time to listen to his story, then went inside a nearby Food City and bought him something to eat for the evening. Then she said as she was walking away, he thanked her and yelled out a Bible verse for her to read when she got home.

Proverbs 3: 27-28.

As she recited the words, I knew that God was really speaking through her experience to hammer home his point to me.

Do not withhold good from those who deserve it,
when it is in your power to act.

Do not say to your neighbor,
"Come back later; I'll give it tomorrow"—
when you now have it with you.

It's the verse that will serve as my resolution for '09. So I can avoid the regret of not doing the right thing for the right person when the opportunity presents itself again.

Thank you for reading. I pray that you and yours will be blessed richly in 2009!
lance

Just a Moment

As we inch closer to Christmas Day, I was inspired by this passage from Max Lucado that landed in my email box today. I share it with you along with blessings and warmest wishes for you + yours to truly enjoy the Joy of this season.

Merry Christmas!
lance

Just a Moment
by Max Lucado

It all happened in a moment, a most remarkable moment.

As moments go, that one appeared no different than any other. If you could somehow pick it up off the timeline and examine it, it would look exactly like the ones that have passed while you have read these words. It came and it went. It was preceded and succeeded by others just like it. It was one of the countless moments that have marked time since eternity became measurable.

But in reality, that particular moment was like none other. For through that segment of time a spectacular thing occurred. God became a man. While the creatures of earth walked unaware, Divinity arrived. Heaven opened herself and placed her most precious one in a human womb.

The omnipotent, in one instant, made himself breakable. He who had been spirit became pierceable. He who was larger than the universe became an embryo. And he who sustains the world with a word chose to be dependent upon the nourishment of a young girl.

God as a fetus. Holiness sleeping in a womb. The creator of life being created.

God was given eyebrows, elbows, two kidneys, and a spleen. He stretched against the walls and floated in the amniotic fluids of his mother.

God had come near.

He came, not as a flash of light or as an unapproachable conqueror, but as one whose first cries were heard by a peasant girl and a sleepy carpenter. The hands that first held him were unmanicured, calloused, and dirty.

For thirty-three years he would feel everything you and I have ever felt. He felt weak. He grew weary. He was afraid of failure. He was susceptible to wooing women. He got colds, burped, and had body odor. His feelings got hurt. His feet got tired. And his head ached.

To think of Jesus in such a light is—well, it seems almost irreverent, doesn’t it? It’s not something we like to do; it’s uncomfortable. It is much easier to keep the humanity out of the incarnation. Clean the manure from around the manger. Wipe the sweat out of his eyes. Pretend he never snored or blew his nose or hit his thumb with a hammer.

He’s easier to stomach that way. There is something about keeping him divine that keeps him distant, packaged, predictable.

But don’t do it. For heaven’s sake, don’t. Let him be as human as he intended to be. Let him into the mire and muck of our world. For only if we let him in can he pull us out.

It all happened in a moment. In one moment … a most remarkable moment. The Word became flesh.

There will be another. The world will see another instantaneous transformation. You see, in becoming man, God made it possible for man to see God. When Jesus went home he left the back door open. As a result, “we will all be changed—in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye.” (1 Corinthians 15:51–52)

The first moment of transformation went unnoticed by the world. But you can bet your sweet September that the second one won’t. The next time you use the phrase “just a moment, … ” remember that’s all the time it will take to change this world.

Best of '08 - Books

Here are the books that made my fave 5 this year...

I'm sure everyone's favorite Macy's Department store elf-turned NPR cornerstone-turned best selling author's latest work made a lot of year-end lists. And it should. Sedaris proves the well is far from dry as he weaves together another bizarre series of shorts and observations on his family, his neurosis and his trip to Japan to quit smoking. One of the few (only?) writers today that constantly makes me laugh out loud as I read him.


4. Jesus Wants To Save Christians - Rob Bell and Don Golden. I've had to tone back constantly blogging about Rob Bell, as to quash the rumor that I have a man crush on him. Not true. Not true at all. I just love all his books, DVDs and tours. Who doesn't? His new collaboration (or "manifesto" as they call it) with Don Golden is a pretty sobering assessment of what Jesus says about Empires and how we as Christians that also happen to be Americans, should respond.

3. A New Earth- Eckhart Tolle. Oprah but this book on her list and it became quite the rage (you go, girl!) At times, it's a hard book to get through. Not because it's not any good, but because Eckhart (or "Big E" as his buddies call him) is such an intellect that he breaks out some major league spiritual philosophy. Prepare for your mind to be blown.

2. Sins We Love - Randy Rowland. This random find I made in my church library was a real treasure. Rowland is a pastor, the public address announcer for the Seattle Seahawks, and an outstanding writer. He looks at each of the seven deadly sins, why they entice us and offers pragmatic ways to overcome through the fruits of the Spirit.

1. Love is a Mix Tape - Rob Sheffield. A heartbreaking, hilarious, highly addictive novel from legendary Rolling Stone music critic, Rob Sheffield. If you're not a big music fan, then much of the narrative might not mean much, but for a fellow music geek who has long been enamored with what a fantastic writer Sheffield is, this was such an incredible read.

What reads were in your fave 5? Discuss!

Dirty Santa Gets Dirty

I survived. But just barely.

Of all the eye-rolling holiday traditions out there, the most painful for me is the office party version of "holiday gift giving."I've heard it called "Dirty Santa", "Bad Santa" and various other dubious terms. No matter what it's called, it's ALWAYS about 180 degrees away from what a real Christmas celebration is supposed to be about.

We just finished ours, and I thought people were going to come to blows over a $20 Starbucks gift certificate. It looked like a WWF-style smackdown was going to erupt over a minature air hockey table. The most coveted gift at our party was this (bear with me) crazy antique of a locomotive, that also somehow had shot glasses and a decanteur (or "whiskey flask" for those born after the 1930s) attached to it. Absurd, I know. But I thought my otherwise mild mannered co-workers were about to go all "Lord of the Flies" over who got it. Elbows were thrown. Insults hurled. Chants from the crowd made me think that we had all reverted back to 7th grade and a fight was going to erupt in the cafeteria.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Best of '08 - Music

Like all bloggers, I took our version of the hippocratic oath that basically states:

"I will use my blog during the month of December to post various lists of my favorite albums/books/movies/fill in the blank from the previous year."

So, as to not lose my license to blog, here's my fave 5 albums of '08:

Beck - Modern Guilt. Beck brings in producer Danger Mouse and a love of 60's surfadellic sounds. The result is one of the strongest albums of Beck's career. Whodda thunk the guy that gave us the novelty shchict of "Loser" would enjoy such longevity? I sure didn't. Glad I was wrong.


4. Jack Johnson - Sleep Through the Static. Made with 100% Solar Energy at his own personal studio, Jack's latest effort is 100% laid-back feel good vibe. (Um, kinda like all his other stuff.) Jack is really an under-rated singer and songwriter. But I think that's a big part of his appeal --how he constantly makes crafting a string of perfect pop songs together look so effortless.


3. Coldplay - Viva la Vida. This was the album (along w/ G 'N R's Chinese Democracy) that all the cool kids (and KanYe) were waiting for. And Coldplay didn't disappoint. Bringing in superproducer Brian Eno helped take Coldplays anthem-ready songs to a more unexpected (read=less U2) type place. Now, if we can just work on their latest stage outfits.





2. Metallica - Death Magnetic Did I really just put Coldplay and Metallica back to back on the same "Best Of" List? Oh yes I most certainly did! Like Coldplay, Metallica went the "bring in a super producer" route (Rick Rubin). In the process, they remembered that they were Metallica and delivered an album that shreds from start to finish. Considering they haven't done that in over a decade, it was very notable.


1. The Reconteurs - Consolers of the Lonely.
Jack White does it again. I'm really beginning to buy in that when it's all said and done, he is going to be this generation's Jimmy Page. The album is brilliant, and they topped it off by releasing what I thought was one of the best videos of the year, too, for Salute Your Solution...YouTubed here for your enjoyment.



(Honorable Mention: G 'N R's Chinese Democracy. I haven't actually listened to it yet, but I hear it rules. I just figure Axl took 13 years to make it...he can wait a little for me to get to it.)

All I Want for Christmas...

...is the ability to sleep in public while standing up straight. And I know you've dreamed about this possibility, too. Don't lie. You're busy juggling work, kids, social obligations, fantasy football drafts, book clubs and training courses on how to become a ninja. So am I. With so much going on, who has time to sleep during all this?

Well now we both do, dear reader, thanks to perhaps the greatest invention since the Chia Pet: The Vertical Bed.

Here's the full product description:

Vertical Bed is a sort of static prostheses that allows a person to fall asleep in a standing position. By bolting into cracks between the sidewalks, subway grates, or other rigid contact points, the suit will support it’s wearer with a minimum of visible hardware or occupied space, holding the sleeper’s weight with concealed harnesses. One-sided privacy will be achieved through noise canceling headphones and double-mirrored sunglasses. Additionally, an umbrella will clip in the rigid infrastructure for shelter. The project is designed for the visual performance of an alternate way of occupying urban space, born partly out of fantasies of minimal need and elegant futurism, and partly out of fears of the dehumanization of space. Occupants will absorb the vertical structure of urban architecture into their bodies.

The vertical sleeper is in a constant state of readiness, never succumbing to collapse. Homelessness is most often marked by the forbidden act of lying down on the sidewalk, an act that the vertical bed circumvents. The vertical bed will imply a streamlined, rather than failed, infrastructure. All of the components of the bed will store beneath a suit and within a business-person’s briefcase, using the proliferation of autonomous consumer devices to achieve a more true autonomy. By hiding in the open, the vertical sleepers forgo even the need for a phone booth to enact their super-hero transformations, in a sense, absolving themselves of the need for secret identities.

I have been looking for a way to catch a few Z's on the Metro AND absolve myself from my secret identity for a LONG TIME. Thank you, Vertical Bed!!

Oh, it also comes in it's own handy carrying case:


I really hope Santa is planning on putting this bad boy underneath my tree this year. Mad props to Basketbawful for this epic discovery!

Holiday Awesomeness Package

Ever want to learn how to bust some serious dance moves at your next office holiday party, re-gift that fruit cake AND make a donation to one of three very worthy orginazations? Well you my friend are in luck because the DNP Holiday Awesomeness Package is now online! (This is the web site/holiday card from my "day job".) Check it out and may you and yours have a very Merry Christmas and enjoy the most awesomest of holidays!!

Questions from a 3 year old

One of my favorite moments over the Thanksgiving break came as Luke and I were enjoying some football together on the couch. It's a rite of passage I've been looking forward to, teaching my boy about all the finer points of the world's greatest sport. Since Luke is only 3, we're starting with the basics: Peyton=good, Gators and Bama=bad, and the inherient flaws and limitations of UT's "Mustang" package. (Tampa 2, anyone?)

So we were watching a game when Luke starts to ask me a series of questions about the football players helmets. It went something like this:

Luke: "What is that, Daddy?"

Me: "A helmet, buddy"

Luke: "Why do they wear those?"

Me: "So they don't hurt their heads."

Luke: "What's that on the side of their heads?"

Me: "That's the team logo...it shows everyone which team they're on..."

And on and on it went. But I loved it, because I was getting to bond with my boy AND watch the game. Perfect!

All of a sudden, Luke gets this really confused look on his face. Then he starts to look upset. I ask him what's wrong, and then he asks me this golden nugget:

Luke: "Daddy, do football players have ears?"

So classic. I assured him that yes, those are just helmets that they wear ON TOP of their heads. That underneath, all football players do indeed have ears. Just not all of them have brains.

Dear Tracy Jordan

If you're like me, you've often wondered what the genius Tracy Jordan thinks about things like crayons and who invented beef jerky. Well you and I are in luck dear blog reader, b/c NBC.com is now unleashing Tracy to answer these questions in a weekly online feature. Oh happy day!

Happy Turducken Day!

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. It's all inclusive. Any and everyone can be thankful for something. It's not really a "religious" holiday, so there seems to be less hang ups for many people to celebrate it (See the upcoming PC need to say "Happy Holidays" rather than "Merry Christmas" over the next month). And any day built around family, football and food, is a-otay in my book. (And the fact that My 'Boys worked out some deal in the '60's so that they are ALWAYS one of the teams playing on Thanksgiving Day is an added bonus. America's Team, indeed!)



Yep. Thanksgiving is pretty much perfect. But here in America, you've got to admire the spirit of always wanting to take things up to the next level. How else could you explain the recent Thanksgiving phenomenon: The Turducken.

Don't get me wrong. I love turkey. And chicken. And duck. But the need to roll all three into one? I don't get that. I'm sure the original idea to do it was developed by the same marketing genius that pitched the "McDonald's Breakfast Burrito." Three perfectly good words that should NEVER EVER go together.

So since the Turducken is (hopefully) about at the end of its 15 minutes of fame, I thought I'd come up with some more "Thanksgiving Trios" that could fill the gluttonious void in years to come. Here's what I got:

The Hot Durger: What's more American that Hot Dogs and Burgers? Jamming them into one delicious meat explosion. (Alternate name ideas: "The Bypass Burger" or "Meatapalooza".)



The Seven Layer Chocolate Pancake: Take seven different types of chocolate (there are seven different types of chocolate, right?) Layer each one between a pancake (or "flapjack" if you're in the Gatlinburg area). Add some whipcream, cherries and a cup of syrup, and enjoy this mountain of awesomeness. Oh wait, they're already serving this thing at I-Hop.



The Fruit Loop Caesar Salad: Add the not nutrious but delicious sugary cereal to any boring old salad. It negates the health benefits and gains the approval of everyone's favorite Tucan.




Roast Beef Jerky:
For those on the go who want an entire Roast Beef rolled into one easy to carry stick of meat. The kids will love it!



Happy Thanksgiving, y'all!
lance

Thought o' the Day

I love the new tagline Volkswagen is using these days: "Dare to be Happy." A much needed challenge for the cynical attitudes that are quite the norm today. Especially as we head into the Christmas season. Now, I'm not saying that buying the shiny new VW is the key to being happy (it wouldn't make me sad, either :) ). The world sure needs more of those that dare to be happy - even in the face of difficult situations and disappointments.

There was another billboard in the series that I love even more. It said:

Misery has enough company. Dare to be happy.

Love that! I looked all over the internets for an image of that billboard but couldn't find one. Regardless, I'm sure going to try to remember the spirit of that message throughout the always hectic holiday season.

That's My Boy!

Yeah, that's him. The one wearing his underwear on his head. Don't judge. It's the cool new look all the 3 year olds are rockin'. A Tupac-meets-Elmo kinda vibe. I'm thinking of adopting it into my wardrobe as soon as possible.

My boy crazy. (I guess the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree.) And speaking of my little apple, Luke turns 3 this weekend!! We'll celebrate by taking him to the Gatlinburg Aquarium where according to their website "underwater treasures await us." We're mainly going to see the sharks, which Luke is crazy about. Because anyone who would walk around with his underwear on his head definitely follows the motto to "live every week like it's shark week!" (Thank you Tracy Morgan!)

And, since I'm pretty confident Luke isn't reading my blog (along with millions of others) I'll share that for his birthday we are giving him his first big boy bike.

Luke will look killer on this hog! A shiny "Thomas the Train" number. With his Elmo Underwear Doo Rag, he's ready for the open road.

Because, as in the immortal words of Steppenwolf, he was born, born to be wild!

Happy Birthday L-Train!! Daddy Loves You!!

Sins We Love

I'm reading an outstanding book now, The Sins We Love, by Seattle pastor Randy Rowland. He is most renowned for being the public announcer for the Seattle Seahawks. He's also a tremendous writer that takes a very positive approach on addressing the most sensitive of subjects. The chapters are arranged according to the seven deadly sins (pride, envy, anger, sloth, greed, gluttony, and lust). I've found his tone and compassion in explaining why we struggle with each of these, and more importantly, what antidotes are available for each one through faith, have been very rewarding and inspiring. I'll post more after I finish it. Hopefully there's no "surprise" ending...like in the greatest movie ever made about each of these sins, Seven.

Shake This Like A Poloroid Picture.

Just the Facts

I just finished reading Jesus Wants to Save Christians by Rob Bell and Don Golden last night. Unlike Rob's other books, this one took me a little while to get into. But it really picked up steam after the first few chapters. The most eye opening part was a series of facts towards the end that truly convicted me of several things: How incredibly blessed I am/we are to live in America. And, more importantly, that this means we must share our blessings with those in need if we want to truly honor God.

There's no such thing as "a self made man" or having "pulled yourself up by your own bootstraps." You may have done a lot of the work, but God does ALL of the blessing. Just the mere fact that I was born in America, the most advanced civilization in the history of humanity, rather than some third-world village without running water is a HUGE blessing from God. Pure and simple. I did NOTHING to deserve such a gift...therefore if I horde it up and don't somehow share in what I've been given then I am living out of synch with what God desires. Unfortunately, that's how I've been living for far too long. Hopefully after reading these facts, which I'll share with you now, it will begin to open my eyes, and heart, a little more.

• One billion people in the world do not have access to clean water, while an average American uses four hundred to six hundred liters of water a day.

• Every seven seconds, somewhere in the world a child under age five dies of hunger, while Americans throw away 14 percent of the food we purchase.

• Nearly one billion people in the world live on less than one American dollar a day.

• Over two billion people in the world live on less than two American dollars a day.

• 1.6 billion people in the world have no electricity.

• Nearly one hundred million children are denied basic education.

• Most of the people in the world own a car. One-third of American families own three cars.

• Americans spend more annually on TRASH BAGS than nearly half of the world does on all goods.

Yet despite all of our wealth and blessings, are we a happier people? The next fact, which to me was one of the most telling, says no:

• The number of Americans taking antidepressants has tripled in the past decade.

Wow. Hard to hide behind those facts.

A Lesson in Forgiveness...

This past Saturday, rather than subject myself to the train wreck that UT Football has become, I decided to rake the leaves. (When I checked in on the score at halftime and realize UT was losing 13-0 to WYOMING, I was reassured that I had made the correct choice.) I'm also thankful I wasn't at the game, because I would have missed one of the most surreal experiences of my life.

As I was working on the yard, my 2 year old son was playing in a big pile of leaves. All of a sudden I heard this car screaming down our street at like 60 m.p.h. This isn't common because we live on a dead-end street, and the car was traveling the wrong way. My first instinct was to grab my son, and start yelling at the A-hole and tell them to slow down. But before I could do that, I hear my neighbor (a 60ish female) running down the street crying frantically. She's screaming that the person in the car had just robbed her! Seems my neighbor had been having a yard sale, and that the person in the car (a 27 year old female, I'm told) was there and asked if she could buy a pair of earrings or something. As my neighbor was making change for her, the lady said she "needed" her fanny pack of money, pushed my neighbor over a table and ran off with her cash.

I'm now standing in the middle of the street, holding my son, when I turn around to realize the robber has turned the car around and is heading back our way. Very quickly. As I stood in the middle of the road, I thought to myself: "Exactly what is your plan here?"

I guess if I was Matt Bourne or a member of the A Team, I would have hopped on to the front of the hood and hoped for the best. All while Bon Jovi's "Blaze of Glory" played in the background.

But since I'm not (and I don't care for Bon Jovi) I opted to get out of the way, and then run after the car to get the license plate number. The cops were called, reports filed, and thankfully, my neighbor, while bruised, shaken up and out a couple hundred dollars, is ok.

And she taught me a great lesson. She called to give our family an update on things later that evening. At one point as she was talking, she said "I just pray that girl gets the help she needs..." I realized that at that moment, that she had put a very real, human face on Jesus' insistence that we "love our enemies." So often, Christians are portrayed as "soft" or "weak" because they are taught to "turn the other cheek." I think just the opposite is true. It takes great strength to hope, even pray, for someone who has wronged you so terribly.

Now my neighbor hopes the one who assaulted her is caught, and if she is, prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. As Christians, we understand that there are consequences to our actions. But at some deeper level, my neighbor went beyond the all too common "eye for an eye" mentality, and hoped that this person who assaulted her and stole from her, got the help she obviously needed.

I must admit that I hadn't been so charitable in my assesment of this person. I had deduced that she must be a Meth-head and had abandoned her 7 children...all out of wedlock. How I deduced this I'm not certain. What I am certain about is that I hadn't had much sympathy for her. I hadn't prayed for her forgiveness, or really thought about what must lead a person to rob a 60 year old at a yard sale of all places. But I should have. Thankfully, my neighbor reminded me about how this could work.

Tomato

The newest Nooma from Rob Bell, Tomato, is premiering online on Facebook for the next 48 hours. Enjoy!

Yes We Can!!!

Honoring Fulmer

I didn't realize this was going to be so hard to say goodbye. Watching Phil Fulmer's emotional, sometimes defiant, press conference yesterday was hard. Really hard. I gotta admit that I was getting choked up, along with him. There is no doubt that this man has given his life to UT. He has taken this program to the highest of highs. He successfully recruited Peyton Manning, Al Wilson, Eric Berry and tons of other NFLers. He's won 75% of his games, and done it with class.

He's not perfect (see second half of 2001 championship game vs. LSU or coddling of Kelley "The Future" Washington for specifics) but he has poured everything he has into the university I love. And while I was, and still am, among the many that think it's time for a change, it's still a bittersweet day.

I'm reading a book by legendary UCLA basketball coach, John Wodden right now (One on One with John Wooden). Today I came across a paragraph in the book that sums up my feelings towards Coach Fulmer perfectly:

"The coach who is committed to the Christlike life will be helping youngsters under his supervision to develop wholesome disciplines of body, mind and spirit that will build character worthy of his Master's calling. He must set the proper example by work and by deed. It is not easy."

No, it's definitely not. Nothing about this situation, or what Coach Fulmer has accomplished, is easy.

Bittersweet Day on Rocky Top

Wow, I'm all for change, but this is getting crazy! First the news that long time coach of my Vols, Phil Fulmer, will officially step down at a press conference today at 5:00. Then news that Allen "Are We Talkin' About Practice" Iverson is joining my beloved Detroit Pistons! What an insane day! And while I definitely think it is time for a change at UT, I do respect and admire all that Fulmer has accomplished. Of all the comments floating out there about the move, Clay Travis' article on Deadspin hit it out the park. If you care about UT, please take a second to read the article. A wonderful tribute in every way.

My Two Year Old Explains What Jesus Is Really Doing Up In Heaven

This weekend, I had a fabulous time trick or treating, playing in leaves and hanging with my two kids. My favorite moment had to be at lunch on Saturday. We had just said our prayer, when my two year old son, Luke, asked "Daddy, where is Jesus?"

Before I could answer, my six year old daughter, Grace, jumped in with her explanation. That Jesus was in heaven, but he is also in our hearts...and that's why we've got to help people because that's what Jesus taught us to do.

So as my own heart was beaming with pride at Grace's profoundly beautiful answer, Luke just looks at us both for a moment and then replies...

Wait for it...

"No, Jesus is up in heaven eating carrots."

Which who knows...maybe he is. I searched throughout the Gospels and didn't find any passage that says he WASN'T up in heaven eating carrots, so maybe Luke is onto something. :)

Happy Halloween!!!

My treat for you....Indian Thriller!

Enjoy,
:)L

Housing the Fullness of God...

I just saw this on Dan (not Donald) Miller's blog. and it was just too awesome not to share:

"As a Russian priest (1829 - 1908), Father John Sergiev first thought he wanted to be a monk in the remote areas of Siberia - but after a vision, he realized God wanted him to be a missionary right where he was - in the hustle and bustle of the big urban city of St. Petersburg. While most priests remained in the safe confines of their cathedrals, Father John would go out into the noisy, dirty, crime-ridden slums and back alleys of the city.

He would find someone down and out in the gutter, sleeping off the effects of the previous night’s drink and activities. Father John would cup his chin; look him in the eyes and say, “This is beneath your dignity. You were created to house the fullness of God.”

Wherever he went, people found new hope and optimism because they discovered, or were reminded, of who they were. Seeing ourselves in the light of who God made us to be is both exciting and contagious.

So, are you housing the fullness of God today? If you are full of despair and hopelessness because of the current economic situation, I doubt there is room for much else. If you are angry and resentful because your stocks crashed or you lost your job, I suspect that is what people will first notice about you.

Can you remember what you were created for? When I hear people complain about how bad their lives are I’m going to start saying, “This is beneath your dignity. You were created to house the fullness of God.”

How to Get the Economy Back in Black

Forget the bailout package. If Congress really wants to get the economy back on track, there's really only one way: Get AC/DC to stop releasing succesful albums.

A British newspaper has pointed out how the success of AC/DC albums has coincided with the darkest of economic times.

AC/DC’s Black Ice recently went straight to number one on 29 countries’ sales charts around the world.

For those about to rock...I salute you!

Leading with Kindness

An internal company rule at Google is that "no employee should ever be more than 150 feet away from food." Is it any wonder that Google is one of the coolest places to work on the planet? Which translates into it being one of the most successful businesses on the planet.

A new way of managing is emerging. The Donald Trump style of intimidation is as tired and played out as an episode of The Apprentice: Hollywood B-Listers edition. Some of the world's most successful companies are realizing that the better they treat their employees, the more productive they get.

In other words, "Do unto others" works outside of the church on Sundays and makes a difference in the board rooms and cube farms on Mondays.

Businessmen and professors William F. Baker and Michael O'Malley have traveled across the country seeking the kindest companies and leaders. They found that the better employees were treated, the more successful the companies were. (Duh) The rule applied both to big companies like Google and small family businesses where kindness is part of the owner's culture. Now they have put all their experiences into a book, "Leading with Kindness. How good people get consistently better results".

Their site also offers other practical tipson leading with kindness. Lead on!

Oscar's been Green for YEARS!

Oh those Canadians and their wacky PSAs...

Dueling Church Signs

Do the Wheels on the Atheist Bus Go Round and Round?

Leading uber-athesist and the person most in need of a hug in the whole wide world, Richard Dawkins is at it again. So what does a non-God fearin' author of the best seller The God Delusion (which in a nutshell says that God doesn't exist and those who believe He does are delusional) do for a follow up?

You guessed it! Attack mass transit!

Dawkins is funding a major drive (punny!) to have the first "atheist buses". These bundles of sunshine will have signage on them declaring "there's probably no God", and will soon be travelling through the streets of London after the prominent atheist agreed to help pay for them.

I assume they will still be driven on the wrong side of the road and smell horrible, just like the "religious" buses do.

When asked why he did it, Mr. Sunshine replied, ""Religion is accustomed to getting a free ride (more punny-ness!) – automatic tax breaks, unearned 'respect' and the right not to be 'offended', the right to brainwash children. Even on the buses, nobody thinks twice when they see a religious slogan plastered across the side. This campaign to put alternative slogans on London buses will make people think – and thinking is anathema to religion."

Whoa. Can someone please give Mr. Grumpy a hug? Richard, my man, I certainly haven't written any best selling books, and I can't use big words like 'anathema' in regular conversation, but I do like to think. And I believe in God. The two aren't mutally exclusive.

But here's something for you to think about, Rich. If God doesn't exist, why are you going to so much trouble? I mean seriously, why go through all the trouble and expenses of disproving something you say isn't there? What's next? Are you going to start taking out billboards that deny the existence of The Easter Bunny, or hire airplanes to fly over soccer stadiums with banners that let everyone know there is no Snuffeluphagus?

Even though there totally is.

Mark Whalberg Gets No Respect at Church

While it's fun to think that being a Hollywood A-lister would be one endless stream of awesome, I think a lot of it would be a total pain in the arse. The artist formerly known as Marky Mark agrees, as he can't even take his family to church without getting pitched script ideas for his show Entourage. I appreciate Mr. Whalberg's reaction to how absurd this concept is.

Viva La Joe the Plumber!

Hi friends,

If you are a normal reader of this here blog on the intertube, I just want to say a few things to you. One: thank you. Thank you for taking time out of your busy day avoiding doing your real job or playing online tetrus at work and reading through my often incoherent babblings. Friends,I appreciate it.

And two: And now I'm talking to you directly Joe the plumber. Earlier (in the first paragraph) I was talking more to Joe Six-pack. But now I'm talking to the other Joe. The one that's good at plumbing. Joe, you're my friend. And I just want to let you know that I'm not gonna "share the wealth" by writing for a bunch of other blogs. (Unless someone is crazy enough to actually pay me to blog. Then I may have to reconsider)

But I digress. Every day here on the blog I'm going to focus on you, Joe. (the plumber) Except maybe on the weekend, when I'll focus more on Joe (Six-pack). Cause let's face it, Joe Six-Pack knows how to have a good time.

Anyways, thank you, Joe. (both of you)

Now let's get out there and get all mavericky!

Rob on Relevant.com

Check out this interview with Rob Bell on Relevant.com. Rob talks about his new book, the "New Exodus Perspective" and, as always, drops all kind of sound biblical knowledge. In his own awesome way. My fav was this quote:

"It's hard to enter the Kingdom of Heaven when you're content with the Kingdom you already have."

You rock, Rob!

If everything's important, then nothing is.

This is my new favorite quote...

"If everything's important, then nothing is."

LOVE. IT.

A good friend of mine shared this line with me at church. He was talking about "that guy" at the office. You know the one...where EVERYTHING is an emergency? Where every problem is a five-alarm fire. THE GUY (OR GAL!) THAT TYPES ALL HIS EMAILS IN ALL CAPS TO EMPHASIZE THE SERIOUSNESS AND IMPORTANCE OF WHAT HE (OR SHE!) IS SAYING!!

Chicken Little X The Boy that always cries wolf = That guy (or girl!)

There's a lot of that going around these days. With tensions high and 401k's low it seems that so many people are focused only on looking out for "#1" and ready to blow at the slightest transgressions.

Recently I enjoyed a lovely all-caps email about the settings on the office thermometer.

I mean, THE OFFICE THERMOMETER!!!!

But I, like most people, respond to cooler heads. The ones that realize the sky indeed is not falling. The people that realize that if everything is important, then nothing is. Because in this life, you really can't say "yes" to the things that matter until you say "no" to the things that don't.

Rev. Santana?

I've never been much of a fan of Carlos Santana's music. As a guitar player, I certainly respect how much he can shred. But I guess "Black Magic Woman" was a little too groovy and "Smooth" a little too Matchbox 20-y for my tatses.

But I was really intrigued by Santana's interview in the new Rolling Stone. In it he talks about his spirituality and desire to retire from music and become a preacher in six years. He also talks about the pain around the end of his 34-year marriage. Oh, and how now that he's single he's been dating a ton and "quite sure he doesn't need Viagra." All righty, then. I guess you can't expect a guy that plays 8 minute solos to have much of a filter.

Our Spiritual Bailout Plan

Like everyone, I have some thoughts on the Economic Bailout plan. (Er, sorry...."rescue package"). While my own financial knowledge is pretty basic and limited, I do learn a lot from some finanical gurus that write blogs, namely Mark Cuban and Dave Ramsey. Always good solid insights from two guys that couldn't be more different in their approaches.

But when I think of it these days, I keep coming back to the thought that the current state of affairs shows that we are in more of a spiritual crisis than an economic one. Don't get me wrong, there are MAJOR flaws in our economy, within our government and with the people to which we trust our money. But in my opinion, so much of this mess is a result of people being spiritually bankrupt, regardless of how much money is in their 401(k).

At its core, being greedy is a spiritual issue. Wasting money while people go hungry is a spiritual issue. An economic system based on borrowing money to burn fossil fuels that harms the environment is a spiritual issue.

My dad was recently telling me about an awesome sermon his preacher gave on the topic. The preacher said, "If you think about it, all of our 'security', all the money we have in the world, exists on some piece of magnetic tape on a database that we have no idea where it is." Wow. Great thought. Because as powerful as our economy (normally) is, you can't rely on it to always provide. Only God can do that. So as we listen to what the candidates, politicians and pundits are saying about how to get out of this economic crisis, let us all also tune in to what God is telling us in our hearts and through his Word about what we should be doing individually. The real answers are there.

Jesus is my friend, too....but...

Really? And I thought the new Metallica album shredded...but this gem from Sonseed will ROCK YOUR FACE OFF!! I'm sure it'll be on the next edition of Guitar Hero.

For serious, this "song" is more proof of why the term "Christian" makes a great noun but sometimes a lousy adjective. Because many times "Christian-music" is really not too much of either.

Turn this up to 11!

Great thoughts from Lance Armstrong...

"I take nothing for granted. I now only have good days or great days."
- Lance Armstrong

I'm so excited that Mr. Live Strong has come out of retirement and is riding again (for a tremendous cause). Read this awesome article by Lance Armstrong about what true fear is. Like he says, sometimes a bumpy plane ride is just that. It ain't cancer. Thanks for the perspective and the inspiration, Lance.

East of Eden

Lately, I seem to be having variations on the same conversation with people. Some of these people dear, close friends that I love deeply. Some are total strangers that I bump into the line at the grocery store.

The conversations vary, but the theme is the same.

• A friend at her daughter's birthday party shares her fears about what the world will be like when our kids are grown up.

• A fellow Knoxvillian rolls his eyes and sympathizes with me before we pay the highest price in the nation for a gallon of gas ($4.99, if you need us...)

• A call to a relative outside Houston describes how the hurricane has wiped out her neighborhood and caused her and her friends to hit the bottle hard to cope.

• My mom tells me that there is no gasoline to be found in the city of Nashville.

• A friend of mine over a beer talks about how hard it is for her and her husband to make ends meet even thought they both work and have no kids.

A glance at headlines talks about the Dow Jones having its worst day since 9/11, the U.S. economy on the brink of collapse, political parties hurling insults at one another...all while hurricanes pound our coast and our soldiers lose their lives in two wars that have now gone on longer than Vietnam. Wars that are costing $10B a month to support. They're costing a lot, but what are they accomplishing?

Not to mention record prices at the grocery store, massive layoffs and the general restlessness and anxiety that creeps into so many of our conversations.

The conversations vary, but the theme is the same.

We have lost our way. We are East of Eden.

I just began the new Rob Bell book, Jesus Wants to Save Christians, and the first chapter addresses the idea that we as a country, as individuals, have strayed off course. Something is not right. He defines Eden as "a paradise, a state of being in which everything is in its right place. A realm where the favor and peace of God rest on everything."

And we are definitely East of that.

But as the problems mount, and the stress intensifies, God reminds us that his grace is sufficient. I was reminded of this by an excellent sermon over the weekend at my church. It centered around how God provided "manna from heaven" for the Israelites for 40 years.

40 years is a long time.

The Israelites found themselves in the "wilderness" for 40 years. Yet day after day, God provided manna from heaven to take care of their daily needs. They had no grocery stores they could go to for a quick meal. No department store to provide ready made clothing. No doctors to help them with the birth of their children. But God provided.

We are in the wilderness today. Yet God still provides us with manna every day. So while the problems we are facing are great, and require each of us to roll up our sleeves and sacrifice in different ways, God's grace is sufficient for you and I today. Just as it was when the Israelites found themselves in the wilderness. In fact, seeking God's will is the only way for us to get back on course. To get centered. To get back to Eden.

Quote of the Day

"Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that."
-- Norman Vincent Peale

Ouch!

Well, my jedi mind trick didn't work. At all. Oh well, basketball season starts in 54 days. UT's a basketball school, didn't you know?

There is ZERO chance that UT beats Florida This Weekend!!

My big plans for the weekend are to go to Neyland with my boy Phil and watch the Mighty Florida Gators throttle my beloved Vols. I'm not quite sure why I'm going to put myself through the misery, because there is ABSOLUTELY NO CHANCE IN HADES THAT UT CAN WIN!! Even if they were some how to be allowed to play 15 guys on offense and defense, and those extra guys included Peyton Manning, Al Wilson, Reggie White (R.I.P.) and a three headed running back/wide receiver combo that combined Jamal Lewis with Peerless Price with Willie Gault...nope, even then the Vols couldn't win.

I mean Florida has superior athletes at EVERY POSITION. Their defense is like a combination of the '86 Bears with the Baltimore Ravens back when Ray Lewis was Ray Lewis. Tim Tebow is a man among boys. It's easier to tackle a baby rhino than it is to tackle this guy. Have you ever tried to tackle a baby rhino? I have. And let me tell you, it ain't easy. Plus, according to the Florida media guide, he's able to throw the football 84 yards while doing a one hand pushup with 4-45lb. weights suspended from his ears. All while being interviewed by Erin Andrews.

And Percy Harvin!? Lordy, the guy is faster than Usain Bolt! And, as fate would have it, he's finally healthy and "feeling better than he has since 10th grade." Jeez! Even a 10th grade Percy Harvin could toast the Vols secondary! Eric Berry is good, but I doubt that he could even catch up to Percy, let alone tackle him.

I haven't even mentioned Florida's biggest advantage: their coach. Urban Myer isn't even human. He's like a super-computer cyborg coach that has no emotions: just superior intelligence and a ruthless ability to out-coach and out-recruit the mere mortals in his path. Our coaches? Fulmer is 0-3 vs. Myers, and by the end of the 1st quarter Saturday it will be obvious it's going to be 0-4. Then after the game he will get busy "workin' like heck" to get better, while John Chavis continues to defend the use of the Mustang package versus a team that just rolled up 785 yards on his defense.

For serious...Florida hung 50+ on us last year, and I believe they will score 75 on us this year. It's inevitable.

Like I said, the Vols have NO CHANCE OF WINNING ON SATURDAY. All the sports experts are saying it. The internets are saying it. The Florida players are saying it. Lou Holtz is probably saying it, but no one can understand him.



I think Al Wilson is even going to say it when he addresses the team before the game. I can hear it now: "Fellas...I'm the greatest LB ever to play at UT, so listen to what I've got to say. You guys should quit. That's what I'd do. Quit. There's NO WAY you can beat these guys. Just accept this fact, lay down and get ready for Auburn next week. Which you will lose to, as well."

Yep. No way UT can win versus Florida. But I'll still pull for them. Go Vols!

50 Best Barkley Quotes

I've made no attempt to hide my man-crush on Charles Barkley. Always dominant on the court, always funny on TV, even funnier on the golf course, to quote Sara Lee "Nobody doesn't like Sir Charles!" If you do, that's just turrible, turrible.



So I thank the knucklehead that posted The 50 Greatest Barkley Quotes of all time. Thought you'd enjoy, too.

And I'm not quite sure why this has become a sports blog. It's just a turrible phase I'm going through. (OK, I'll quit now)

Long live Sir Charles!

An Open Letter to Vince Young

This Don Miller guy continues to amaze me. First I find out he can bike across America. Now I learn he's a huge Vince Young fan in this open letter he wrote to the troubled QB. I love what he tells VY in this piece (especially the p.s. at the end.)

Starrberry meets an Atheist

I can't decide if Stephon Marbury is a genius or insane. Probably a bit of both. On the one hand, he has a tattoo on his head, which is kind of crazy (see: Tyson, Mike) but on the other hand, he started a shoe company that sells the same kicks he wears in the NBA to kids in the projects for just $15 bucks, which is awesome.

So even though I knew about the the yin and the yang of the Starbury, I was still fascinated by his this article about his encounter with an athesist. Marbury is a devout Christian and the journalist covering him isn't. While some of his reactions to this development are classic space-age Starbury, some of his quotes I think are rather profound. Especially when he tells the reporter that it's ok for him not to believe now, but "in time" he will understand.

Genius or lunatic? "In time" maybe we'll understand.

Bike-A-Palooza

So while the Interwebs are abuzz with news that Lance Armstrong is coming out of retirement (which is, um, pretty awesome) I'm even more impressed to learn that Blue Like Jazz author and blogger extraordinaireDon Miller recently biked across the U-S-of A for a good cause on the Ride:Well Tour. Who knew he had THAT in him?

Quote of the Day

"Preach the gospel at all times. If necessary, use words."
- Francis of Assisi

Tale from a Tailgate

Won't be able to post to much this week. Part of this is due to the fact that my beloved boys in Orange have rendered me speechless when they ripped my heart out of my chest. Then jumped up and down on it with their cleats. Then poured salt into my wide open chest cavity. All because they just had to turn a WALK-ON-THIRD-STRING QUARTERBACK INTO JOE FREAKIN' MONTANA!!! All in the course of one half.

Damn you, Mustang package!

So, while I figure out exactly how long it is until basketball season starts, I'll also be traveling for my sister's wedding. For some reason, she has asked me to be the emcee at the wedding reception. I can't figure if I'll tell embarrassing stories from her childhood, rock a few freestyle lyrics, or pull an "Adam Sandler" from "The Wedding Singer" and berate the crowd about how being a UT football fan is quickly taking years off my life. Probably all of the above.

Until then, I will share this one interesting story a friend of mine had over the weekend. Her and her husband are Georgia fans (isn't that convenient) and were in Athens for the 'Dawgs opening game. Oh, to cheer for a team ranked #1 in the country that actually takes care of an opponent they're supposed to beat. But I digress...

She was at her tailgate party after the game when she noticed this guy stealing a cooler from the tailgate next door. She said "hey, you can't take that...it's not yours." The guy then got inches in front of her face and said "The Lord told me I could have this."

To quote Keanu, "Whoa!"

She said "Excuse me?" and then the guy went into a string of explicitives, and said that basically the Lord has taken away everything in his life and so now he's ok with giving him this cooler. Which happened to be full of beer. And cottage cheese.

Far be it from me to say how the Lord works, or talks, to another person. I have a hard enough time trying to be in tune with how he speaks to me. But I really, really, really don't think that God would tell this guy it's ok to steal the cooler. I'm no expert, but I think the "no stealing" thing is covered in the Good Book (it's towards the beginning).

But what was interesting to me was the bartering system the guy described...."God has taken away EVERYTHING from me...so it's ok if I take this."

It just sounds so ridiculous from the outside. But then I realized there's plenty of bartering that I've done with God that must have sounded just as silly to Him. Like last nite when I said, "Please, if you'll just let Lincoln make this 34 yarder, then I'll....."

Working For The Weekend!

Yes indeedy, life is good. We're about to roll into a nice three-day weekend. The college football season is upon us. And my by boys in Orange are going to lay the smacketh down on UCLA Monday night. For some reason, my boss is still expecting me to "work" and "be productive" today, but I gotta admit, it's kinda hard. Because like in the immortal words of Loverboy, everyone is, indeed, workin' for the weekend.

Happy Labor Day, y'all. Rock your face off!!

Jesus Wants To Save Christians

Rob Bell's new book comes out in this Fall! It's a collaboration w/ Don Golden called Jesus Wants To Save Christians - A Manifesto for the Church in Exile.

The book's web site is chock full of goodies, including a mp3 of the authors interviewing themsleves, and the first 2 chapters of the book that you can download to read yourself, or have Rob and Don read it to you, if that's how you roll. Check out the web site for the full experience, but here's a few highlights.

Rob Bell and Don Golden interviewing one another about the writing of the book.

The Introduction to the Introduction.

Chapter 1