All I Want for Christmas...

...is the ability to sleep in public while standing up straight. And I know you've dreamed about this possibility, too. Don't lie. You're busy juggling work, kids, social obligations, fantasy football drafts, book clubs and training courses on how to become a ninja. So am I. With so much going on, who has time to sleep during all this?

Well now we both do, dear reader, thanks to perhaps the greatest invention since the Chia Pet: The Vertical Bed.

Here's the full product description:

Vertical Bed is a sort of static prostheses that allows a person to fall asleep in a standing position. By bolting into cracks between the sidewalks, subway grates, or other rigid contact points, the suit will support it’s wearer with a minimum of visible hardware or occupied space, holding the sleeper’s weight with concealed harnesses. One-sided privacy will be achieved through noise canceling headphones and double-mirrored sunglasses. Additionally, an umbrella will clip in the rigid infrastructure for shelter. The project is designed for the visual performance of an alternate way of occupying urban space, born partly out of fantasies of minimal need and elegant futurism, and partly out of fears of the dehumanization of space. Occupants will absorb the vertical structure of urban architecture into their bodies.

The vertical sleeper is in a constant state of readiness, never succumbing to collapse. Homelessness is most often marked by the forbidden act of lying down on the sidewalk, an act that the vertical bed circumvents. The vertical bed will imply a streamlined, rather than failed, infrastructure. All of the components of the bed will store beneath a suit and within a business-person’s briefcase, using the proliferation of autonomous consumer devices to achieve a more true autonomy. By hiding in the open, the vertical sleepers forgo even the need for a phone booth to enact their super-hero transformations, in a sense, absolving themselves of the need for secret identities.

I have been looking for a way to catch a few Z's on the Metro AND absolve myself from my secret identity for a LONG TIME. Thank you, Vertical Bed!!

Oh, it also comes in it's own handy carrying case:


I really hope Santa is planning on putting this bad boy underneath my tree this year. Mad props to Basketbawful for this epic discovery!