My big plans for the weekend are to go to Neyland with my boy Phil and watch the Mighty Florida Gators throttle my beloved Vols. I'm not quite sure why I'm going to put myself through the misery, because there is ABSOLUTELY NO CHANCE IN HADES THAT UT CAN WIN!! Even if they were some how to be allowed to play 15 guys on offense and defense, and those extra guys included Peyton Manning, Al Wilson, Reggie White (R.I.P.) and a three headed running back/wide receiver combo that combined Jamal Lewis with Peerless Price with Willie Gault...nope, even then the Vols couldn't win.
I mean Florida has superior athletes at EVERY POSITION. Their defense is like a combination of the '86 Bears with the Baltimore Ravens back when Ray Lewis was Ray Lewis. Tim Tebow is a man among boys. It's easier to tackle a baby rhino than it is to tackle this guy. Have you ever tried to tackle a baby rhino? I have. And let me tell you, it ain't easy. Plus, according to the Florida media guide, he's able to throw the football 84 yards while doing a one hand pushup with 4-45lb. weights suspended from his ears. All while being interviewed by Erin Andrews.
And Percy Harvin!? Lordy, the guy is faster than Usain Bolt! And, as fate would have it, he's finally healthy and "feeling better than he has since 10th grade." Jeez! Even a 10th grade Percy Harvin could toast the Vols secondary! Eric Berry is good, but I doubt that he could even catch up to Percy, let alone tackle him.
I haven't even mentioned Florida's biggest advantage: their coach. Urban Myer isn't even human. He's like a super-computer cyborg coach that has no emotions: just superior intelligence and a ruthless ability to out-coach and out-recruit the mere mortals in his path. Our coaches? Fulmer is 0-3 vs. Myers, and by the end of the 1st quarter Saturday it will be obvious it's going to be 0-4. Then after the game he will get busy "workin' like heck" to get better, while John Chavis continues to defend the use of the Mustang package versus a team that just rolled up 785 yards on his defense.
For serious...Florida hung 50+ on us last year, and I believe they will score 75 on us this year. It's inevitable.
Like I said, the Vols have NO CHANCE OF WINNING ON SATURDAY. All the sports experts are saying it. The internets are saying it. The Florida players are saying it. Lou Holtz is probably saying it, but no one can understand him.
I think Al Wilson is even going to say it when he addresses the team before the game. I can hear it now: "Fellas...I'm the greatest LB ever to play at UT, so listen to what I've got to say. You guys should quit. That's what I'd do. Quit. There's NO WAY you can beat these guys. Just accept this fact, lay down and get ready for Auburn next week. Which you will lose to, as well."
Yep. No way UT can win versus Florida. But I'll still pull for them. Go Vols!
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